Speaking up for myself

Today, once again I am disappointed in myself.  I didn’t speak up for myself and I am all to blame. I have to be hard on myself, otherwise I won’t learn from my mistakes. I need to be more assertive.

I had agreed to meet up with my friends today, and since the couple live a little over an hour away, I suggested we meet somewhere halfway. They suggested a place about 10 minutes from their house. I then responded that it was still really far for me and suggested another location more like halfway (I was trying to be assertive and speak up for myself), but they said that the place I suggested didn’t have a shopping mall and they wanted to go shopping – so I just gave in and agreed to meet them near their house.

We went shopping for their baby and then had lunch. Afterwards, at around 3pm they suggested we go to another shopping mall to shop some more for their baby. I didn’t know where that other location was so I told them that I didn’t mind going with them as long as I was able to make it to church at 6pm. We didn’t leave for the other mall until around 4pm after they changed and fed the baby and by the time we arrived, it was 5:10pm.

When we arrived, I had no idea where we were. I asked them how long it would take me to get to where my church was. They said around 40minutes by train. So I suggested that I better leave for the closest train station which is about 5 minutes away by bus.  When I found the bus stop, it was 5:20pm and there was a long line for the bus headed to the train station. There was also a long line for the taxi.  Since I was in a hurry, I ended up catching another bus to a further train station to catch the train and then I changed into a taxi. I got to church 15 minutes late.

I probably would have been 30 minutes late for church if I didn’t catch the taxi. When I got home, I looked at a map and realised where the second mall was and was upset at my friends for not dropping me off mid-way to the second mall. That way, I wouldn’t have been late for church. If I had known that it was so far away, I wouldn’t have agreed to go with them.

I was also upset at the fact that they were willing to travel so far to the second mall, but not willing to meet me half-way between our houses. Instead, I was the one always compromising.

Then I realized that I shouldn’t be upset at my friends. I should be upset at myself for not being more assertive. I should take care of myself, rather than pleasing other people and trusting that they would have my interest at heart. I should have spoken up to leave earlier so I wouldn’t be late for church. I completely trusted that my friends would tell me when it was time to leave. In hindsight, I shouldn’t have gone to the second mall because I didn’t know where it was.

I am really mad at myself. I need to learn to speak up for myself!!! I am the only one to blame! 😦

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