In the last year or two, I have been working hard to get to know myself better. It never occurred to me before then that I really didn’t know myself well, because I had never made the effort. I mean, who would have thought that someone wouldn’t know themselves well right? Well I am not talking about knowing what I like or dislike, such as my favorite food or colours etc I mean asking myself why I do certain things or make certain decisions.
Some questions were, “why do I feel so uncomfortable with confrontation?”, or “why do I feel the need to please others and forget to take care of myself or my husband?”
After a lot of soul searching, I found my answer. It’s really quite simple – it all comes down to my values. This is true for everyone. We all subconsciously weigh up different values and put importance on some more than others. These values are what shape who we are. Once we understand our value system or someone else’s value system, we will understand what drives our/their behavior.
For example, if I value money and power over integrity, then I would be doing things like stepping on other people’s toes to try and get up the corporate ladder. Or for example, if I value politeness over quality time with my children, I might end up spending more time with friends for the sake of being polite and not turning down their invitations to go out for drinks, rather than spending more time with my kids.
Now that I have found myself, so to speak, I am trying the hard task of adjusting my values to what I think would be more ideal. Like trying to be more assertive to turn things down and not feel the need to please others – that way, I get more time to spend with my family which should be my priority.