Ok so I’ve thought a lot about becoming a mum. I think I would make a great mum. I love kids so much! I have babysat many times before so I’m not worried about the crying, changing nappies or the late nights etc in fact, I’m confident I can physically care for my child very well. I am quite patient with kids.
But I must say, I am worried about the pregnancy process. Will it be painful giving birth? What would it be like having an epidural vs not having one? What if I need to go into emergency cesarean? Will sex be the same again? Lol and many more questions. I am sure it will be fine but I’m still curious to know. Haha
Then after the baby is born, I worry about their health a lot. I worry about my child’s psychological health in particular. I know so many people, including myself and my hubby, who has a parent that has some kind of a personality disorder.
Like my dad who is a narcissist. He is always arguing with people and thinking he is special and entitled to everything. He always has to be right. This has shaped me into a person who likes to please others because I am so used to trying to please my dad so as not to cause him to get angry at me or other people. To make him be happy.
My hubby’s mum uses the guilt treatment or anger as a weapon to make him do what she wants. For example, she would yell and over punish him for small things when he was little to teach him lessons. She meant well. But this caused him to fear her so if he doesn’t do as she says now even as an adult, he feels fear subconsciously. She will be angry at him for weeks without speaking to him sometimes. Then she makes him feel guilty for being a bad son. It’s a bad cycle.
When I see these things happening, it makes me want to learn more about psychology. What I say and do to my child will affect them for life. I cannot let them see me argue with their dad on the odd occassions. I feel a lot of pressure. I want to be a good role model. I want my child to be assertive and stand up for themselves yet at the same time be humble and polite to others. To put pride and arrogance to one side and instead show love and respect to everyone. To see me as their friend and not just as mum. To share secrets with me. To communicate regularly with me. To share hugs with me.
I really look forward to the day that I meet my baby for the first time. It will be like meeting God because God is who would have brought him or her into this world. I hope I’ll make a really good mum and a best friend.